Style

 My cat, Style, is very sick.  Over the last several weeks, he has lost about 25% of his bodyweight. I’ve taken him to the vet and they’ve done bloodwork which shows that he has kidney disease, I’m not sure which stage he is in. He also has hypertrophic cardiomyopathy which means that his heart is under a lot of stress. And he also seems to have some kind of a small issue visible on an ultrasound in his abdomen.  I will need to have a more thorough ultrasound performed by an internist in the next few days. Style is 16 years old. I’ve had him since he was just a tiny kitten; I fed him milk from a bottle  because his mother had abandoned him. He means the world to me.  We have a very strong and powerful connection. I find myself in a really deep depression. I curse the world that pets are mortal.  I’m going to take care of him as best as I can.  A long time ago I made a choice that I would not live much longer after my pets were gone.  But I still want both of them to have the best life has to offer, even if I don’t deserve the same for myself.  The world has been inexplicably cruel to me throughout my entire life except for Style and his sister, Finesse. They are the shining lights that give me a reason to live.  And when they’re gone, I will have nothing left to lose and no reason to live.